2014考研英语作文范文模板及名师点评（2014考研英语作文范文模板及名师点评答案）

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写作原文

Theduckmother,whoisanxiousandenergetic,isbeggingthemonkeyteachertoteachherchildrentheapproachofclimbingtree,whichgive(改为gives)himafright.Conspicuously,thatisadelicious(用词不当，delicious一般用来形容美食，故应去掉)ironic(改为anironic)depictionconcerningblindeducation,(加and，句子之间用连词连接)aphenomenon(句子缺谓语，加is)pervasiveincontemporarysociety.Thisoverwhelming,occupywithvariouskindsofirrationalbehaviorsoverchildren(句子表意不清，建议改为Thisoverwhelminglyvariouskindofirrationalbehaviors),led(改为lead，句子时态应保持一致)ustoconcludethattheblindeducationismoreofadevastationtochildren’sfacultiesthanareasonablepractice.Thiskindofaimlesseducationkids(加are，beexposedto为固定短语)exposedtotendtobein(去掉，beexposedto后面直接跟宾语)domesticsituation,by,(此处by是什么意思?)unfortunately,theirownparents,whoexertgreatpressureonchildren’salreadyover-burdenedsmallshoulder.(改为children’sover-burdenedsmallshoulders)Moreridiculously,manyparentsknowthatcountlessflawsareconsistinthiswayofeducationandyetmostdidlitter(改为little，litter意为“垃圾”)tochangeit.Thereareupsettingparallelstoday,asparentsonewaveafteranotherforcetheirlittlekids(加to,forcesb.Todosth.)participateinvariouskindsofout-classcourses(“课外课程”可表达为extra-curriculumcourses)(注意句子顺序，改为asparentsforcetheirlittlekidstoparticipateinvariouskindsofextra-curriculumcoursesonewaveafteranother),asaresult(去掉),theirvulnerableheartbecome(改为willbe)occupiedwithdepressionandanxious.Theclearmessageisthatweshouldgetmovingtoprotectourchildren.Firstly,suitableatmospheremustbecreated,whereourkidcangrowfreelyinharmonious,byus,especiallytheparents(表述不清新，建议将此部分去掉).Moreover,theauthoritiesshouldchargewiththeobligationoffashioningtheideathateducationentailsmorethansimplyteachchildrennumerousdisciplines.Rather,makingfulldisplayofchildren’sadvantageandtimelyadjustmentis(改为are)ofsubstantialweight.Onlybydoingthis,canweweatherthiscrisis.

总体点评

文章在句子组织方面，存在一些问题。作者应该注意句子的正确表达，弄清楚句子的成分，句与句之间的逻辑关系等。建议作者从句子练起，每周可花几天积累词汇、经典语句，然后自己根据积累的情况仿写句子。在做真题时，注意长难句解析，巩固基本的语法知识，达到自我提高的目的。加油吧，祝你考研成功!

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